 For more about what ancestral healing is, read my essays here and here.
How do we begin ancestral healing? We can take first steps into ancestral healing by expanding our awareness of what might be at the root of a difficult emotional state or unhelpful thought or behavior. Here is one way I do it. When I am having a hard time and I can’t seem to move through it, perhaps feeling gloomy or anxious, I begin with giving myself compassion. Then I get curious. I use the ThetaHealing meditation to calm myself and get deeply connected with Source. I then examine what might be the underlying reason for my distress. Triggers for distress can vary greatly, but can include self-judgment (such as thoughts of unworthiness), long-standing habits of people pleasing, resentments, feeling rejected, regrets, a perceived lack of safety, and more. (Of course, if there is a real threat to your safety, please seek help immediately). I keep looking deeper, which might include identifying which core inaccurate belief is underlying my trigger. Once I find the underlying reasons for my discomfort, I tune into Source (which can be thought of as a higher state of wisdom) and ask if this originated with me, or if it is something that was passed down to me, or even something from a past life or the collective consciousness. This process helps me go deep and gives me the opportunity to make real changes in my life. When I am only looking at my current life for the origin of my problem, I can miss the real cause. But when I broaden my view and consider ancestral or other causes, I can identify the basis of the problem more accurately. The next steps for healing might include learning from the past, untangling any patterns from their root, and changing the underlying belief that I took on to something more accurate and positive. I hope these first steps to ancestral healing are helpful to you. Please reach out if you have questions or would like support, such as a private session for help with ancestral, or any kind of healing.
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 I was taking in the lights of Hanukkah a few weeks ago and became aware of how much light we keep hidden inside ourselves.
It is part of the human condition to sometimes be afraid to trust, afraid to love, and afraid to shine our light for so many reasons. But we also have the ability to gently and bravely explore inside ourselves, heal, and change, which can loosen our constrictions and let our light flow out more. Is it time to let your light shine a little brighter, for the sake of yourself and those around you? It all starts with an intention and an earnest desire to evolve. I am sending you love. May you let your light shine and bless us all with the brightness of your true authentic self.  Recently, I woke up startled and upset from an unpleasant dream. I felt immediately guided to imagine myself in a crystal cave of healing. I had never done that before, but it sounded lovely! I expectantly imagined myself in a cave lined with amethyst crystals, each glistening and emanating a healing vibration. It was so beautiful and calming. After a while, I felt complete with that image, and was left peaceful, inspired, and ready to start my day.
I believe that every aspect of creation has its own energy and many forms of creation can be healing. Some examples are certain minerals, crystals, plants, trees, the earth, animals, tones, music, angels, and more. What is really astounding is how even just imagining these things can be healing. Our imaginative faculties are extremely powerful! What can you connect with in your imagination that would be helpful for you? We all can engage our imaginations in a positive and fruitful way. I used to be a hypnotherapist who specialized in “Hypnobirthing”, a way to help pregnant couples prepare for and give birth using hypnosis and self-hypnosis. After giving birth, the moms would report that using these methods, which included visualizing and believing in their desired result (a peaceful and uncomplicated labor) helped them to stay calm and often, avoid the use of pharmaceuticals. It was amazing! One of these clients imagined angel Gabriel (which means “strength of God”) by her side during the delivery, and it brought her much comfort. In essence, she connected the effects of a lowered brain wave (from self-hypnosis) with imagination (of a peaceful labor), and a spiritual connection (angel Gabriel). These are magic ingredients! When we combine these things, we are using visualization or imagination to its utmost potential to help us. These are some of the ingredients I use in my private sessions and meditation circles today, amongst other things. For example, we connect with Source energy (aka God) and, through a ThetaHealing meditation, lower our brain waves to a Theta wave (like in deep meditation, hypnosis, or light sleep). Believing in our positive unfolding is another key. Are you looking for a greater sense of peace no matter what storms rage around you? An ability to discover and change belief systems that are limiting you? A blooming of dreams that you have lovingly kept in your heart till now? My wish for you is that you engage your imagination in a positive and fruitful way- focusing on and believing in what is helpful and meaningful to you, and brings you joy. May you move forward towards what you need and want. It's worth the effort, and so are you! Here in Colorado, it is almost time for mother bears to begin hibernating, have babies, and stay in their dens while their babies nurse and grow. Mother bears are strong and nurturing and protect their young.
Do you need to protect anyone/anything? Sometimes we need to draw on our inner strength to make a boundary, protect, and nurture what is important to us. It could be children, pets, a pet project, expressions of ourselves, or something else. What has been important to me has been making art for my own fulfillment, and helping others grow their empowerment. In the past, when I took time and energy to take care of myself or a project that was important to me, I often noticed an undercurrent of guilt. Prioritizing myself and my work went against the ancestral and societal beliefs that I took on and inherited, such as the belief that women’s work was not as important. As a feminist, I was surprised to find these beliefs in myself, but it explained the nagging guilt and discomfort I felt when focusing on my own work. Even with the advent of feminism in the 1970’s, these sorts of inherited beliefs take a long time to change in society and, when left unconscious, in ourselves. (Witness how women still do not get equal pay). Interestingly, I also had unconscious and sometimes conflicting beliefs around how I should be ambitious and financially very successful, and that I should work very hard in order for my efforts to be worthy of acceptance. I am healing and changing those beliefs, and in turn, my emotional well-being and my ability to be fully present and do my work in my own way, for my own reasons, and with my own standards of success. My standards of success include helping people to forge their own path and love and accept themselves for the infinitely worthy person they are. My standards of success also include doing my work in a calm way, and balancing it with connection and laughter. Honoring my values and doing what is important to me in my own way helps me grow into a truer version of myself. While I was writing this essay, I did some intuitive drawing and received an image of myself as a seed pod, growing fuller with seeds to deposit for the next generation of people who want to live as their authentic selves. The seeds I am depositing include seeds of hope, seeds of vitality, and seeds of self-respect. They are seeds for living a life that is guided by love and our inner compasses rather than by outer expectations. A friend sent me this quote a few weeks ago: “what if your markers of success were how well you slept at night? how many books you read? how easily you laughed? how much time you spent storytelling, feeling warm in the arms and homes of people you adore” – the daily rest May we all find our own markers of success sourced from our hearts, and protect and nurture them with acceptance and respect for ourselves and others. (With thanks to my friend Diane for sending me this quote. You can find her and her excellent work as a parenting coach at www.InfantCoaching.com) Here is a poem I wrote in September, at the time of the Jewish New Year.
What is happening inside you? I have not built an empire. But I have grown myself up. Are you growing yourself? Are you allowing the sands of time to hone and refine you into your true beauty? Can you turn to Truth as a balm, as much as it is an abrasive? Have you listened to the delicate sounds around you and welcomed that softness within? All the greatness of the cosmos is also part of you. Build what you need, on the fertile patch of soil that you have, and stand tall. People sometimes ask me what this term means. In the context of my work, a download is a flow of energy from the Divine Source that helps us be our best selves. A download can help us with feelings or can help us have greater understanding.
An example would be a download of a certain feeling that we have never experienced before, or have totally lost touch with, such as a feeling of being relaxed inside. Receiving that download would spark our ability to feel relaxed again (or for the first time). Another example would be a download of the ability to discern what is best for us when making a decision. Downloads are always very specific to what a person needs at that moment to move towards their personal goals. Part of my work as a personal development facilitator is to tune into Source and listen for what download a person (or group) needs at that moment, ask the person for permission, and then ask Source to give the download. A download is not generally enough, on its own, to make a huge change in ourselves. It is more of a stepping stone in our personal growth journey, but it can be a key ingredient in making the changes we want to make.  Photo by Bart Larue from Unsplash Being Authentically Ourselves in Relationship
Sometimes we want to maintain peace in a relationship above all else. I used to have an unbalanced view about how to be in relationship. I thought that keeping the peace and being giving without expecting anything in return was the way to be kind and loving. I also thought that this type of giving would help me hold on to a relationship (platonic or not), because then I would be valued. Certainly, peace is one of the keys to a satisfying relationship and there are situations in our lives when peace is of the utmost importance, for example when we don’t have the bandwidth to deal with turbulence. But when the goal of peace regularly supersedes love, it could create an environment where conflicts are not actually resolved and nobody’s needs are really met. When I speak of love as a beacon, I mean love towards oneself as well as love towards the other. I mean love as a measure of truth: What is best in this situation? What serves the highest good? What is kind and respectful towards me as well as the other? As someone who has a tendency to be over-giving, it is particularly helpful for me to be attuned to my own needs, lest I lose track of them. In the distant past, I knew someone who would quickly apologize whenever there was a conflict in one of her relationships, even if she didn’t think she had done anything wrong. She told me that she had begun doing this as a way to keep things peaceful. For her, it just wasn’t worth getting into messy struggles and possibly losing the relationship. One day we had a disagreement and after some time, she apologized to me. At first I thought that she had come to understand my point of view, and I felt relieved. But something still felt off, and after some conversation, I saw that she didn’t understand me at all. Then I remembered that she had the habit of apologizing falsely. No wonder things felt off — it wasn’t a true apology. Smoothing things over in that inauthentic way made me feel misled. It did not make for true peace, nor did it make for a feeling of safety, love, or a genuine friendship. At another point, I was in a friendship where I gave a lot emotionally, always being very supportive and listening patiently and nonjudgmentally. I, however, did not feel seen or heard. I would get off the phone and feel drained, but I chided myself, telling myself that if I was a real friend, I would just give selflessly. Eventually I realized that in general, a healthy friendship has some measure of reciprocity. Looking more deeply, I also saw that I was not being loving towards myself because I wasn’t acknowledging my needs. Making my needs known was not comfortable or easy, but it ultimately resulted in more self-love and a more genuine relationship because I was being true to myself as well as honest with her. Experiencing authenticity, safety, and love is much more important to me now than maintaining a facade of peace. Sometimes it can get uncomfortable while things are being worked out, or even lead to the loss of a relationship, but to me, it is ultimately worthwhile. I have found that tuning into love as my guiding light helps me know how to proceed and communicate in a way that is for everyone’s highest good. It also helps me to be calm when things are rocky. This may be a slightly different orientation than what we are used to. Rather than focusing on catering only to the other, catering just to our own needs, or trying to figure out in a solely intellectual way how to balance everyone’s needs, we can cater to the energy of love. We can ask ourselves questions such as, “What would love have me do right now?”, or “Am I increasing or eroding love?”. We can also tune into our Higher Self, or Divinity, the Source of Love, for guidance. When I do that, I am led down a compassionate path to working out relationship challenges, one that is gentle, kind, and respectful to both of us. May you be in touch with Love as a beacon in all of your relationships. What is your driving purpose(s) or motivation in life? What do you want to achieve? What lights you on fire? Or maybe your purpose manifests in a quieter way, such as certain interactions that bring you fulfillment, peaceful joy, or a warm feeling inside. Whatever your purpose or goals may be, have you ever had trouble reaching them?
One of my purposes is to help people realize their desired life. Sometimes in the past it felt like no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t fulfill that purpose very much. I tried to put the word out about my work, but it never got much traction. In addition to taking outward actions, I diligently worked through any inner blockages to success that I could determine, such as the idea that I’m not good enough, etc. Still, the needle didn’t move very much. What did end up moving me towards my goals was to challenge the limitations that were handed down to me from my ancestors. If we find we are having trouble achieving any of our personal or professional goals, we may have some ancestral limitations that are waylaying us. Though our ancestors are/were always doing the best they could, their main motivation can be to preserve the family line and keep things as they were. This can play out in quite a few ways, some of which might not align with our deepest desires or what is best for us. For example, many of our ancestors experienced a lack of abundance, whether it was in finances, satisfying relationships, outer accomplishments, or any other aspect of their lives. This could have led to a limiting belief being passed down the family line (e.g., “there’s never enough”, or “I’m a failure”). Through no fault of their own, such as societal constraints or even being persecuted, they may not have been able to reach for what they wanted. Some of our ancestors may have coped by playing it safe, staying small, and being content with what they had. As a result, we may not have inherited the tendency or the motivation to strive for goals. If you have ever experienced a lack of focus or drive that runs contrary to your goals, an ancestral constraint can sometimes explain it. Generational beliefs might also cause us trepidation in moving towards big dreams because it is akin to stepping into the vast unknown with no ancestral support. Some of us want to live a simple life, fulfilling a purpose that will remain relatively unknown to others, but we have persistent self-judgment about it. Part of that judgment might stem from unconscious ancestral pressures.For example, some ancestors would want their descendants to be outwardly successful in order to prove something. They might want to prove that their subjugated culture, ethnicity, etc. is capable of more than they were able to demonstrate in the past. Or maybe our ancestors were financially successful, and simply want us to continue that pattern. There can be so many possibilities for what an ancestral limitation might be and how it began. Often we are not aware of which specific ancestral limiting beliefs are hindering us until we begin to explore and uncover them.All of these examples are from actual coaching/healing sessions I have done. The important thing for us to know is that we don’t have to take on these constraints. For the sake of our own fulfillment and for the sake of improving our world, we can gain awareness of ancestral limitations and change them within ourselves. These changes will then ripple out to our children, grandchildren, and all those we touch. Knowing this is a powerful motivation for me to keep evolving and growing. And we can embark on this path at any age! I also want to be clear in saying that we have all inherited many positive qualities and belief systems as well as limitations. We only want to update what is not serving us. I offer you a blessing: May you be free from inner and outer constraints in living your purpose and achieving your goals. And may the ripple effect be greater than what you can imagine. Have you been curious about the term “ancestral healing”?
I remember that when I first heard it, I wasn’t sure if it meant healing our ancestors, or healing the effects of what our ancestors endured within ourselves. I have found in my work that it can be both! Mostly however, I am focusing on the healing that my clients need within themselves, which is often a result of their ancestor's traumatic experiences, and how their ancestors reacted to those experiences (which was always in the best way they could). Have you ever tried to change a certain issue in your life (such as a recurring fear, low self-esteem, wanting more success in a certain area of your life, problems with relationships, anxiety, etc.) and find that no matter what you tried, it didn’t fully resolve? That could be because even though an issue seems like it’s your problem, it sometimes doesn't stem from you! It can be a generational issue, even if it’s not obvious. When I first embarked on this work, I was surprised to see how many of my and my client’s patterns had nothing much to do with us, but were inherited from our ancestors. This is not to shirk responsibility for our own behavior. Instead, it is a process of acknowledging what is ours while discovering what challenges might have their origin in an ancestor's experiences. I shouldn’t have been surprised at how many unhealthy coping strategies have been handed down, considering what our ancestors have been through. Go back one generation or more in anyone’s family, and we can find very traumatic experiences, such as famine, war, abuse, etc. And experiencing trauma actually makes changes in our brain and DNA that are passed down! On the other hand, if we are here, this means that we have also inherited many positive traits and that we are resilient, because our ancestors were survivors! The other good (or great!) news is that inherited beliefs, behaviors (such as coping mechanisms), and feeling states that are not helpful can be changed or healed. Some patterns that have changed within my clients as a result of ancestral healing are:
I am here to say that you can do this! Ancestral trauma (or current trauma) is not a life sentence. I believe in you and I am here to help. I was wondering about what I should write for you today. I decided to let my pen move freely on the page in order to get into a state of flow, and the idea for this essay bubbled up quickly: What is joy?
What does joy mean to you? I used to think joy was an explosion of unbridled blissful feelings. That does not happen very frequently for me! I thought I was joy-deficient. Instead, I was defining joy incorrectly (for me). I've since realized that joy can be quieter than that, and sometimes easily accessible. (By the way, the dictionary definition is "a feeling of great pleasure and happiness"). I have decided that for me, joy can be as varied as a feeling of contentment, laughter, or a sense of calm and connection. What is joy for you? And how do you access it? For me, joy can be accessed by: - moving my body in the way it wants, sometimes to music - being with people I care about without expectation - sitting on the earth and feeling connected to nature - sipping a cup of hot tea on a chilly day, and really noticing how good it feels going down - watching a documentary about nature or animals If being joyful has seemed out of reach or puzzling to you, you might want to redefine it for yourself. By the way, moving pen on paper freely in response to a question is a fantastic way to receive deep insights. I use this type of exercise, which I call "intuitive drawing", in every meditation circle, and in some of my coaching/counseling sessions |
PATRICE SPITZ, C.S.C.ThetaHealer, Life Coach and Spiritual Counselor |
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